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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 4-4-16: Feel The Burn

Billboards are popping up all over Los Angeles that say “Feel The Burn.” They aren’t for Bernie Sanders, they are trying to get people tested for STD’s. Feel The Burn, get it? The billboards are from the AIDS Healthcare Foundation. They’d had quite a few tongue-in-cheek billboards recently, and their spokesperson suspects that Bernie Sanders would get a chuckle out of them.

A Mayoral task force here in Chicago is calling for the city to require employers to give workers 5 paid days of sick leave per year. They estimate there are about 200,000 workers in the city of Chicago who don’t have any sick days and can’t afford to take any days off and lose the pay from those days.

Rahm Emanuel wants a federal hate crime investigation into the racial slurs that were heard over Chicago Police radio frequencies. This seems like such a waste of time and energy to me, it’s not like you can completely control who broadcasts on those radio frequencies, and it seems like it would be impossible to find out who did it. So what’s an investigation actually going to prove? There are morons out there, we already know this.

America simply doesn’t want to be made great again: Polls show that a head to head match-up between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton would be a bit of a bloodbath in electoral votes.

SNL had a pretty epic cold open on Saturday night (live). The focus was on women Trump supporters defending him on cable news.

Meanwhile, Trump is complaining that the RNC is treating him unfairly. He was on Face The Nation and specifically cited Louisiana, where he says he should have gotten more delegates than he did.

The East Coast is going to be a mess on Monday: Due to an accident involving an Amtrak train near Philadelphia, the Northeast Corridor, the busiest area for train travel in the country, has been temporarily shut down. Amtrak said that the train “operating from New York City to Savannah, Ga., struck a backhoe that was on the tracks and derailed the lead engine south of Philadelphia.” There are about 341 passengers on board and two people have died from the crash.

Trash-talking: Scottie Pippen says the 95-96 Chicago Bulls would have swept the current Golden State Warriors. The warriors are closing in on the Bulls record for most regular season wins. He says he would have kept Stephen Curry under 20 points. What if the Warriors and Bulls met up in a street brawl, with Curry armed with a flame-thrower and Pippen had a broadsword?

It wouldn’t be opening day without a mascot controversy. The Cleveland Indians aren’t getting rid of their Chief Wahoo logo, but they’ve decided to dramatically cut back on him. He’s off of their caps, but still on the sleeves of their home uniforms. They won’t be getting rid of him though, despite the fact that some people aren’t too happy with him.

The Secret Service got into a confrontation with protesters outside the White House over the weekend. They objected to the gigantic, 50-foot inflatable joint the pro-pot protesters were carrying with them.

Gabatron Morning Briefing – 11-10-15: Be Careful Who You Hitch Your Wagon Of Outrage To

The outraged Starbucks cup guy was on CNN and he pretty much ended his 15 minutes of fame. Among other things, he told the anchor that the US is a obviously a Christian nation, because President Obama had to pretend to be one to get elected.

Interesting Stat of the Day: 47 percent. “Saturday Night Live” viewership ratings for the episode hosted by Donald Trump over the weekend were the show’s highest since 2012 — and were 47 percent higher than the ratings during Hillary Clinton’s guest appearance earlier this season.

Jeb Bush was asked one of the most critical questions facing the world today: If you could go back in time, would you kill Baby Hitler? He said “Hell yeah, I would!”

SeaWorld has announced that they will be be phasing out their Killer Whale shows.

In technology news, Comcast is testing bandwidth caps on home Internet use. Because they are already so well loved. Under the scheme, customers have a monthly limit of 300 gigabytes and pay an overage fee of $10 for every additional 50 gigabytes they use.

Plus, according to a new survey, Americans over the age of 30 are more miserable than they’ve ever been.

Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.

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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 11-9-15: Portrait Of A Candidate

It turns out that certain parts of Ben Carson’s biography may or may not be true. Carson is screaming media bias, saying that President Obama never had to answer questions about his younger days. As a matter of fact, Obama’s school records are still sealed to this day.

Interesting Stat of the Day: Zero. So far into this season of television, none of the four major networks have cancelled a television show.

Larry David ended up being the one to yell out “Trump’s a racist!” on live TV. Trump seems to be getting universally poor reviews from his SNL performance, but people were watching. They had their highest ratings since January 2012.

The first salvo in the War on Christmas 2015 has been fired. Starbucks is in for a sleigh ride to full-blown outrage because their Christmas cups this year are just red, with no other decorations.

In science news, scientists have been looking very closely at the star discovered last month that looks like it could potentially have giant megastructures orbiting it but so far they haven’t gotten any signals.

Plus, Aliens may or may not be invading California.

Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.

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Geek/CounterGeek – #12: End Of The World Movies

May the 4th be with you! In honor of “Star Wars Day” you can stream the entire first season of Star Wars Rebels on StarWars.com. Keith Conrad binge-watched them all in just a couple of days.

While Keith was overloading on Star Wars cartoons, Elliott Serrano saw Avengers 2: Age of Ultron over the weekend. He says that if your expectations aren’t too high, you just might enjoy it.

Thanks to the unrest in Baltimore, the Orioles and White Sox played a game with no crowd at all. It was a first in Major League Baseball history. The image of an empty stadium looked downright post-apocalyptic, which made Keith think of the best end of the world movies, and the end of the movies so bad you wish for the apocalypse.

Each week Keith Conrad and Chicago’s Top Geek Elliott Serrano debate a controversial topic in contemporary geekery: Kirk vs. Picard? Was Douglas Quaid dreaming in Total Recall? No topic is off limits.

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Catch Up on Star Wars Rebels for Free Online
‘Avengers: Age of Ultron’ Nabs $191.3M In Domestic Debut
‘SNL’ Spoofs Empty Orioles Game in Baltimore
When Worlds Collide (1951)
Deep Impact (1998)
Armageddon (1998)
On the Beach (1959)
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Gabatron – #5: Friday Night Live

Keith Conrad notices that there seems to be an abundance of crazy people on public transportation in Chicago during the winter. He also got in an obligatory space story prompting the question, would you go on a one-way trip to Mars? Plus, everyone was talking about the SNL 40th anniversary special this week, while Keith doesn’t watch much in the way of live television anymore, Dan Levy prefers to let the magic box pick what he watches.

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How do you tell your mom you’re moving to Mars?
Bill Murray’s Love Theme From ‘Jaws’ On ‘SNL 40′
Sling TV from Dish streams cable TV through the internet

 

Gabatron Morning Briefing – 2-16-15: President’s Day

“Saturday Night Live” celebrated four decades on the air last night with a live special. Two me there were two highlights: Bill Murray singing the theme to Jaws, and Wayne’s World.

Here in Chicago Metra has decided to cancel their plan to experiment with allowing people to bring small pets onto trains. Officials say that there are concerns that need to be addressed before they can go ahead with it.

According to a new survey from Mashable, people are constantly re-wearing clothing between washes. Is that true in your life? Are you a one-and-done kind of person or have you been known to re-wear a thing or two?

…and finally, some museums around the country are taking steps to ban selfie sticks. They claim that they are disruptive and could even cause injuries or damage to exhibits.