• Home
  • Tag Archives:  Creepy

Gabatron Morning Briefing – 6-22-16: Men In Black Invade Iowa

People in one Iowa town keep reporting sightings of men in black walking beside the road. They haven’t done anything illegal at this point, but they are really freaking people out. They seem to show up only at night, and they aren’t exactly dressed like Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. They are wearing black trench coats and capes. More or less creepy than the clowns that will occasionally show up in a neighborhood?

Based on the success of the Saved By The Bell restaurant here in Chicago, you had to know more would be coming. A Golden Girls pop-up restaurant will be opening in New York. I anxiously await the opening of the Knight Rider-themed drive in. Here’s my problem with this: Saved By The Bell took place in California (Aside from the first season in Indiana, after which all of the main characters decided to move to California together… really) why is the restaurant in Chicago? Golden Girls is even worse, since they were in Miami. Shouldn’t the pop-up be in a location that is remotely tied to what happened in the show?

The whole religion thing worked out so great for Donald Trump in the primaries that he’s going to that well again. Now he’s questioning whether or not Hillary Clinton is actually religious. Because Donald Trump is the picture of religious piety.

Rory McIlroy has decided not to compete at this summer’s Olympics in Rio due to fears over the Zika virus. It’s the latest problem for the Rio Olympics. Do you think the IOC is regretting picking them? Tokyo and Chicago are probably looking pretty good now.

A 15 year old girl in Alabama decided it was a good idea to put on a Barney the Dinosaur head to prank her friends. The costume got stuck on her head and she had to call the police to get it taken off.

Gabatron Morning Briefing – 4-12-16: Creep Factor

Scholars at Know College in Illinois have done the first scientific study about what is considered to be creepy. To define what makes someone creepy, researchers surveyed 1,341 people between the ages of 18 and 77. The psychologists found that men are typically considered creepier than women and clowns are the creepiest profession, with taxidermists, sex shop owners and taxi drivers close behind. When it came to hobbies, collecting dolls, insects, reptiles, or body parts such as teeth, bones, or fingernails were considered especially creepy.

And the latest Chicago politician to be arrested is… *spins wheel* former Congressman Mel Reynolds! He was arrested in the Atlanta airport coming back from South Africa where he was helping his sick daughter. He didn’t want to leave her, even though it violated his parole. He was released on his own recognizance a few hours later.

Rahm Emanuel has given the thumbs down to the idea of closing Addison and Clark during Cubs games. He says the Cubs also have to be good neighbors, and they can accomplish their security goals without closing the streets.

The Chicago city council is recommending the police pay a total of $6.4 million to the families of two people who died in custody. Forget about the question of morality, the Chicago Police need to get their act together simply because the city can’t afford to keep paying people when they screw up.

The Minooka Police Department has stopped using officer body cameras. They had been experimenting with them for the past six months. The police chief said it became a burden for staff to fill the many requests for video footage.

It’s a good thing Donald Trump has a big lead in New York. Two of his children missed the deadline to register to vote for the primary.

Speaking of Trump, in an interview with USA Today he suggested he could pick Marco Rubio as his runningmate. He said he “likes Marco a lot.” That’s certainly at odds with, well just about everything he said on the campaign trail. Last we heard from Marco, he said he wouldn’t be VP or Florida Governor, but would be heading to the private sector.

A group of teenagers has decided to sue President Obama and the federal government for making a mess of the planet for future generations. They are upset because they say the government hasn’t done enough to fight climate change, and also continues to permit the extraction of fossil fuels. Because none of them drive cars.

A restaurant in Utah is serving up fish and chips with a side of the Second Amendment. The restaurant is run by a family of four and they all wear handguns on their hips while they are working. They also all wear kilts, but no one really seems to notice that, what with the guns and all.

A guy went under anesthesia to have four teeth pulled by a dentist. He woke up with no teeth. While he was out, and without consulting his wife who was just feet away in the waiting room, they yanked all his teeth due, they said, to an infection they worried would spread. He coded twice in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. The man, as you might expect is a little upset. The dentist isn’t commenting. The fact that a story like this exists somewhere in the world is enough to make me think twice about ever going to the dentist again.