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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 2-25-15: Get Busy Livin’ Or Get Busy Gabbin’

A man in Naperville who won $265 million in the Illinois lottery recently spent 12 years in jail on a drug conviction. He was busted about twenty years ago for manufacture and delivery of cocaine.

Billionaire hedge fund manager Ken Griffin and his wife are divorcing. She wants child support. She claims almost a million dollars in expenses every month.

A guy in Boston has started a side business selling mail order snow. While there will be some melting in transit, he guarantees you’ll get enough for a few snow balls.

New research suggests that gerbils, not rats may have been responsible for the “Black Death” in 14th century Europe. Apparently the climate in the years and months leading up to the outbreak would have been more conducive to gerbils.

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Gabatron – #5: Friday Night Live

Keith Conrad notices that there seems to be an abundance of crazy people on public transportation in Chicago during the winter. He also got in an obligatory space story prompting the question, would you go on a one-way trip to Mars? Plus, everyone was talking about the SNL 40th anniversary special this week, while Keith doesn’t watch much in the way of live television anymore, Dan Levy prefers to let the magic box pick what he watches.

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How do you tell your mom you’re moving to Mars?
Bill Murray’s Love Theme From ‘Jaws’ On ‘SNL 40′
Sling TV from Dish streams cable TV through the internet

 

Never Shovel Snow Again

After the Chicago area was hit by a major snow storm on Sunday, everyone can benefit by seeing this! A YouTube video of Joshua Jordan from West Virginia shows a genius way to clear your snow – without using a shovel.

Gabatron Morning Briefing 2-2-15: That’s Right, Woodchuck-Chuckers It’s GROUNDHOG DAY!

On the same day that Chicago experienced its fifth-worst blizzard ever with 19 inches at O’Hare, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, meaning that we’ll be getting six more weeks of winter. History will record that on February 2nd 2015 for just one day, Americans put aside their petty differences, joined together in one voice and killed the Groundhog.

Just in case you missed the Super Bowl, let me sum it up for you: Nationwide Insurance hates children, Katy Perry danced with sharks and Pete Carrol really should have run with Marshawn Lynch.

A fourth-grade student in Kermit, Texas was suspended last week for allegedly making a terroristic threat against his class. In these days where school shootings dominate the headlines it’s always a good idea to take any threats seriously, right? This troublemaker brought the One Ring, forged by Sauron in the fires of Mount Doom, to school. His father said that they had just seen The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, and he assures everyone that his son lacks the magical skills to actually use the One Ring. Can we really take that chance? What’s the dumbest thing you ever brought to school?

Strippers in Portland are suing to get better working conditions. It’s just like The Grape’s Of Wrath… except everybody’s naked. Some are even working with lawmakers to craft legislation on the matter. The stripper lobby can be very powerful. They have lots of singles to throw around.

…and finally, if you’re a millennial you remember Ricardo Medina Jr., even if you don’t recognize his name. He was once one of the Power Rangers. He was arrested for murder Saturday after allegedly stabbing his roommate to death with a sword. A public service message, don’t roughhouse with your roommate. Only play safe games, like dog and bear. That makes his the second Power Ranger charged with murder. First Dustin Diamond, now a Power Ranger, next we’ll hear that Urkel is stealing cars.