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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 5-31-16: Public Service Pronouncement

Former Attorney General Eric Holder said on David Axelrod’s podcast Edward Snowden performed a “public service” by telling everyone about the government’s surveillance programs. He also added that he should be prosecuted and punished for releasing classified information.

The Cincinnati Zoo had to kill one of their gorillas after a 4 year old fell into their habitat. I realize you can’t let something happen to a child, but was it really necessary to killed the poor guy? They couldn’t tranquilize him or something? The worst part is the fact that the poor gorilla’s birthday was on Friday. The most disturbing part is the fact that the zoo says they have sperm samples, to hopefully help rebuild the population. Whose job is it to collect it?

The marquee on the Goodman Theatre burst into flames over the weekend. Sherman from 101 WKQX caught it on video, making some waves online. The fire didn’t spread into the building itself, so the show(s) went on as scheduled.

What could make the 2016 election more strange? A candidate for Libertarian Party chairman stripped on the stage at their convention in Florida. He said he did it on a dare.

David Letterman was on SportsCenter on ESPN over the weekend talking about his racing team at the Indy 500. He said if they didn’t win he’d fake his own death, and then casually said that he was totally wasted.

A strip club in Michigan is taking some heat for advertising their willingness to provide the youth of the community for with employment. They put up a sign reading “Now hiring Class of 2016”

A Texas man paid his $220 speeding ticket using nothing but pennies. It took five 1-gallon buckets full of pennies. He dumped all of them on the counter in front of some poor functionary. He was pulled over for going 39 mph in a 30 mph zone. He says he wasn’t endangering anyone, so the government is trampling on his rights by fining him for going above a completely arbitrary speed. So he paid in pennies to protest.

A UFO may have been capture on video flying over Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio. A seemingly identical craft was seen by two different people. I for welcome our new alien overlords.

Gabatron Morning Briefing – 4-5-16: Sniveling, Entitled Nurses

A nurse in Texas ordered a pizza late at night, and the box came with a note saying “We would appreciate it very much if you didn’t wait until five minutes before we close.” She sent a pic to her friend who is absolutely livid, saying that a business is open until the minute they close and on top of that, nurses save lives all the time. Of course at the same time, how would you feel if you were an employee and you suddenly get an order minutes before you’re supposed to shut things down for the night?

According to a new report, millionaires are leaving Chicago faster than any other city.

The White Nationalists for Trump are back. Now they are sending out robocalls in Wisconsin.

Guess what nation’s flag a construction worker put on the top of Trump Tower in Vancouver? Mexican. It was the Mexican flag.

Someone started a White House petition to have Donald Trump arrested for “inciting violence.” The petition did get the 100,000 signatures needed to get an official White House response, but they have decided against doing so.

The Disney Company does everything they can to make their attractions as realistic as possible. A dead body was found in the Haunted Mansion in Disneyland Paris. It is believed he was working on a light fixture and was accidentally electrocuted.

God Save The Queen? A British historian says that the monarchy is only still around because Queen Elizabeth is old and people like her. So, the theory goes, when she kicks it, that will cause a debate about why the British have this un-elected family that is for some reason tangled up in their government. If true, I assume this means the royal family will go all Weekend at Bernies with the Queen when she dies to keep the good times going?

Gabatron Morning Briefing – 2-8-16: Rob Lowe Emerges From His Glass House To Throw Stones

Rob Lowe decided it was a good idea to take to Twitter immediately after the Super Bowl ended to criticize Cam Newton for walking out of the post-game press conference. Lowe said Newton was a bad example for kids, Twitter meanwhile said Lowe might himself be a bad example for kids since he was once famous for a rendezvous with a 16 year old.

Larycia Hawkins and Wheaton College have announced that they will be parting ways. Details of their agreement are confidential, but they took her off of administrative leave and the guy who called for her to be fired has issued an apology. So they probably worked out some sort of deal where she could go teach somewhere else. which worked out for everybody and one of the conditions was that he apologize to her.

This is going to make things interesting. Remember the explosion in the airplane in Somolia? It turns out it was a laptop that was rigged to explode in mid-air. The passengers lucked out because their flight was delayed, if it took off on time and was at cruising altitude with the cabin fully pressurized, it would be been catastrophic.

The US is apparently producing so much oil we are running out of places to store it. That would suggest gas prices will be low for a while. SUV’s for everyone!

15 cars broke through the ice on Lake Geneva over the weekend. Thankfully no one was hurt, but several of the cars were a total loss. People were parking their cars for the annual Winterfest in Lake Geneva. If your car covered by insurance if you drive it onto ice and it falls through? What brain stem decided it was a good idea to have people park on the ice to begin with?

Waterboarding is a little too pedestrian for Donald Trump. He told George Stephanopolous he wants to bring back something “tougher than waterboarding.” It will also be classier than waterboard, the device will be covered in gold leaf with the word “TRUMP” on the side.

Madeline Albright says that there’s a special place in Hell for “women who don’t help each other.” And if you’re planning on voting for Bernie Sanders, you’re not helping your sister out.

Women in Austin, Texas are being victimized by a serial foot-stomper. It happens to fast, and is so random that no one reported it, but apparently it’s been going on for weeks. So far dozens of women have been victimized and people are worried because they seem to be getting more violent.

An Alabama man was arrested for DUI… in a full clown costume. He also just happened to have a felony warrant out for his arrest. In the field of local live home entertainment, he’s a god.

Gabatron Morning Briefing – 12-15-15: Promoting Violence In A Galaxy Far, Far Away

A 7th grader in Texas was told that he could not wear a t-shirt because it had a picture of a gun. It’s a Star Wars The Force Awakens t-shirt showing a stormtropper holding a raygun. The dress code bans any symbols “promoting violence.”

Interesting Stat of the Day: 2,000 books. That’s the estimated first month sales of Marco Rubio’s book “American Dreams” from earlier this year.

Donald Trump’s campaign released a note from his doctor on Monday saying that he may be the “the healthiest individual ever elected” President.

Bill Cosby is suing seven of his accusers. Cosby claims the women “knowingly published false statements and accusations” against him.

In technology news, the FAA announced that all drones weighing between 0.55 pounds and 50 pounds must be registered by February 19th.

Plus, I’d like to introduce you to Stephen Bassett, a name you’ve probably never heard of. Stephen is the only lobbyist in Washington fighting for a group that for too long has had their voiced silenced in the political arena. He’s the first lobbyist to tackle the issues of UFO’s, the Roswell crash and alien abductions.

Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.

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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 10-19-15: The Geeks Shall Inherit The Earth

A third and final trailer for Star Wars The Force Awakens will debut during halftime on Monday Night Football tonight. Advanced tickets will also go on sale at about the same time. ESPN is owned by Disney, which also owns Star Wars, so you can see why they’d debut it on MNF.

Interesting Stat of the Day: $77 billion. Cost to the U.S. economy in 2010 due to hungover workers, according to the CDC.

A high school junior in Texas died during a football game. He was complaining of dizziness at halftime and collapsed later in the game. He’s the 6th high school player to die in the United States this year. Would you think twice about letting your child play football at this point?

Donald Trump and Jeb Bush’s latest war of words is over 9/11. Trump is basically saying that Jeb Bush would not be able to keep us safe as President, because 9/11 happened while his brother was President.

In science news, the European Space Agency and the Russians are going to send a robotic mission to the Moon’s south pole. The flight will launch in 2020, and spacecraft will take a look to see whether or not there is water, and other raw materials to make fuel and oxygen.

Plus, someone has created a Change.org petition that aims to change the official currency in Australia to the Dollarydoo.

Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.

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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 9-17-15: A Clockwork, Stupid

On Wednesday, America learned about Ahmed Mohamed, a 14 year old in Texas who thought it would be cool to build a homemade clock. His teachers thought it was a bomb, called the police and he was arrested. After that though, he may have had the best day ever. Not only were people outraged on social media, but people actually stepped up to help him out, big time. The White House invited him to come and demonstrate his homemade clock, and he also got invitations from Facebook, NASA and MIT.

Interesting Stat of the Day: 85 percent. That’s the percentage of parents of high-school aged kids who said that computer science courses were just as, or more, important than classes like math, science, history and English

Actor and comedian Stephen Rannazzisi is coming clean about a lie he told about being in one of the World Trade Center buildings on September 11, 2001. He was in Manhattan, but nowhere near the twin towers.

The Republican Presidential candidates faced off in a debate last night at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library.

In science news, NASA said the first manned flight of its Orion capsule, a deep-space vehicle intended to eventually allow human exploration of Mars, is likely to be delayed by two years to 2023.

Plus, Waterton Canyon in Colorado has been warning people repeatedly that taking selfies with the bears in the park isn’t a good idea, but people keep on doing it. So now they are debating whether or not they will have to close the park.

Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.

Follow Keith Conrad on Twitter
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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 9-15-15: Hot & Blistery Corporal Punishment

A Texas coach is in trouble after he had students do “bear crawls” on the turf field outside as punishment for being late. The students all ended up with sore hands and knees, some even had actual burns.

Interesting Stat of the Day: 2.8 million. That’s the number of people who have been advised to evacuate their homes in eastern Japan thanks to heavy flooding.

In science news, NASA Astronaut Scott Kelly is officially halfway through his epic year-long stay at the International Space Station.

NBC has announced that Arnold Schwarzenegger will replace Donald Trump as the host of Celebrity Apprentice.

In technology news, the entire online world came to a crashing halt yesterday for 35 long minutes. Twitter’s website was down for a healthy chunk of the afternoon, causing near panic and severe bouts of boredom.

Plus, a group of scientists and professional buzzkills are making it clear that Elon Musk’s plan of nuking Mars to terraform it is not a good idea.

Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.

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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 6-24-15: US Spying On The French

WikiLeaks claims to have published documents that prove that the National Security Agency has spied on the last three French presidents. The communications were between 2006 to 2012, include discussions about a top U.N. appointment, the Middle East peace process, and the euro crisis, along with the French president’s cell phone number.

Interesting Stat of the Day: 67.6 million. That’s the number of Americans over the age of 25 who are obese. Another 65.2 million are just overweight.

People in the news, composer James Horner has died in a plane crash near Santa Barbara, California at the age of 61.

In technology news, Google is trying to idiot-proof email so you won’t accidentally send messages to the wrong people. They are adding a 5 to 30 second “Undo Send” feature.

In world affairs, there was an unlikely visitor to a meeting of various secessionist taking place in Russia. Nathan Smith is the self-styled foreign minister of the Texas Nationalist Movement. He says their movement is bigger than you might think.

Plus, Warner Bros. has decided that they will no longer license any models of the car because it has the Confederate Flag on it.

Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.

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Drone Captures Texas Flooding

While California tries to cope with one of the worst recorded droughts in the state’s history, much of Texas and Oklahoma is struggling with severe flooding after a brutal thunderstorm. The aftermath is truly shocking. DLR Productions captured the aftermath of the storms in Austin, Texas with a drone

Gabatron Morning Briefing – 5-4-15: Is The US Government Invading Texas?

A&E has announced that they will be re-making the miniseries Roots in 2016. LeVar Burton will be one of the producers. The series will run simultaneously on three cable networks: History, A&E and Lifetime.

J.K. Rowling has issued an apology to Harry Potter fans for killing off Fred Weasley.

A guy is suing MillerCoors because Blue Moon isn’t really craft beer. He says that the label says “carefully crafted” and doesn’t mention that it’s made by a big beer company.

Not the be outdone but GrubHub or even the new UberEats, Dominos is introducing a new app that will help you track your pizza on the long journey from their store to your home.

The NFL Draft drew about 200,000 people here in Chicago this weekend. So far the NFL has not announced any decision about making a return trip to Chicago or making it a traveling thing every year.

The US Navy SEALS are conducting some exercises in the Lone Star State. It seems there is concern among some folks that this so-called training maneuver is just a cover story and it’s really an invasion. What’s different this time is that they have actually gotten the Governor of Texas involved, sending the Texas National Guard to “monitor” the exercise and make sure they don’t take over.

Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.

Follow Keith Conrad on Twitter
Subscribe to GMB on iTunes
Subscribe to GMB on TuneIn
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GMB Podcast RSS Feed