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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 4-20-16: The Day Democracy Died

Democracy is dead. The British Science Ministry won’t be naming their new research ship “Boaty McBoatface” despite the fact it was the overwhelming choice of The People.

Joe Biden has taken a turn for the smug. He says that he’s not comfortable being the “Goofy Uncle Joe” because he’s done such an amazing job as Vice President. He also says that if he had wanted to run for President, he would have beaten everybody who is currently running.

Michigan Governor Rick Snyder is putting money where his hydration is, and maybe his life on the line. He’s going to drink nothing but Flint, Michigan water for the next 30 days.

John McCain may be joining Mark Kirk in skipping the Republican National Convention. He’s blaming the fact that it’s so late in the summer this year, and he says he has a campaign to fight. Is it really a party if John McCain isn’t there?

A guy in New Zealand was due to appear in court for unpaid traffic fines when he learned the judge was retiring. So he went on a Facebook rant against the judge, mocking him. What he didn’t know is the judge wasn’t retiring until *after* his case. So the judge made him read his Facebook comments aloud in front of the whole court.

A 2 year old boy in Scotland was caught by his mom drawing on her mirror in lipstick. He immediately denied it, saying “Batman did it.”