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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 5-31-16: Public Service Pronouncement

Former Attorney General Eric Holder said on David Axelrod’s podcast Edward Snowden performed a “public service” by telling everyone about the government’s surveillance programs. He also added that he should be prosecuted and punished for releasing classified information.

The Cincinnati Zoo had to kill one of their gorillas after a 4 year old fell into their habitat. I realize you can’t let something happen to a child, but was it really necessary to killed the poor guy? They couldn’t tranquilize him or something? The worst part is the fact that the poor gorilla’s birthday was on Friday. The most disturbing part is the fact that the zoo says they have sperm samples, to hopefully help rebuild the population. Whose job is it to collect it?

The marquee on the Goodman Theatre burst into flames over the weekend. Sherman from 101 WKQX caught it on video, making some waves online. The fire didn’t spread into the building itself, so the show(s) went on as scheduled.

What could make the 2016 election more strange? A candidate for Libertarian Party chairman stripped on the stage at their convention in Florida. He said he did it on a dare.

David Letterman was on SportsCenter on ESPN over the weekend talking about his racing team at the Indy 500. He said if they didn’t win he’d fake his own death, and then casually said that he was totally wasted.

A strip club in Michigan is taking some heat for advertising their willingness to provide the youth of the community for with employment. They put up a sign reading “Now hiring Class of 2016”

A Texas man paid his $220 speeding ticket using nothing but pennies. It took five 1-gallon buckets full of pennies. He dumped all of them on the counter in front of some poor functionary. He was pulled over for going 39 mph in a 30 mph zone. He says he wasn’t endangering anyone, so the government is trampling on his rights by fining him for going above a completely arbitrary speed. So he paid in pennies to protest.

A UFO may have been capture on video flying over Wright-Patterson Air Force Base in Ohio. A seemingly identical craft was seen by two different people. I for welcome our new alien overlords.