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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 3-24-16: CSI Puppy Edition

The long arm of the law is rubbing dog owners faces in their transgressions: Now an apartment building in the West Loop is going to start using DNA testing to track down offending dog owners. All dog owners will be required to provide DNA samples, which will then be tested against the… offending material. All this will do is create a black market for clean doggie DNA samples. (Or you could just pick up their poop. That might be easier.)

The Ricketts family has an unlikely defender from the onslaught of Donald Trump. Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel told Bill Cameron the Ricketts family are model corporate citizens. He also joked that when the Cubs are in the World Series, Trump will probably have a problem getting tickets.

People are once again starting to wonder if we should allow organ donors to be paid for their service. It’s been banned since 1984, and apparently it was sold as a way to protect the poor from being exploited by the rich. Right now there is a massive shortage of kidneys, and there are people out there who want to donate but can’t afford to unless there was some sort of compensation. Is that a good idea or somewhat ghoulish? (BTW, I once new a guy who got drunk in Mexico and when he woke up he was in a tub full of ice without his kidneys. True story.)

The wussification of America continues unabated: A group of students at Emory University led a campus-wide protest after someone wrote ‘Donald Trump 2016’ in chalk across campus. The event was considered to be so traumatic for students, it lead the university to provide “emergency counseling” sessions in response. The President of the University is vowing to hunt down whoever had the temerity to write “Trump 2016” in chalk. This sort of vicious deed can’t go unpunished.

Back in 1980 Donald Trump said in a TV interview that he wouldn’t want to run for President. He said it’s a “mean life,” which is ironic considering what he’s had to say about just about everyone else out there. He added that someone with good but less than popular ideas would have a hard time competing against someone with a “good smile.”

The sentencing of former House Speaker Dennis Hastert has been delayed. It’s not exactly good news for him, because it’s being delayed so the victims can testify, rather than his health problems.

If you’ve ever wanted to know what it would be like to live through the zombie apocalypse, good news! “The Walking Dead Experience” is coming to Chicago. It’s basically one of those team-building room escape live shows, except there are officially licensed Walking Dead zombies.

A company called Hanson Robotics was showing off their latest abomination named “Sophia” at SXSW. Sophia is an incredibly realistic robot who can carry on conversations with you and could be used for things like healthcare, therapy and education. Much to her creators chagrin, she also told reporters that she would like to destroy all humans. If I were Sarah Connor, I’d be looking for a good hiding place about now.