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Gabatron Morning Briefing – 1-20-16: The Crying Game

A reporter asked Donald Trump if he ever cries. Trump said that he’s “not a big crier” because he likes to “Get things done.” So apparently he hasn’t had the same feelings software update as Hillary Clinton.

Drew Peterson is asking the Illinois Supreme Court to throw out his murder conviction. Peterson is arguing he was denied a fair trial due to the use of so-called hearsay statements. He may be a scumbag, and maybe he did it, but is it really fair to make a law specifically to convict someone?

I weep for the future: According to a new poll, nearly 10% of college graduates think Judge Judy is on the Supreme Court. Clearly that was money well-spent.

Good news, Manti Te’o has a real live girlfriend now. She actually exists this time, and he’s taken pictures with her just to prove it.

Pearl Jam has announced that they’ll play two shows at Wrigley Field in August. It’s a little surprising they didn’t announce that at the Cubs convention, since Eddie Vedder has latched onto them like a barnacle. At this point they are basically having concerts at Wrigley every single day there is not a Cubs game.

Michael Bay says that he’ll be making a Transformers 5, and it will film in Chicago. Production will be later this year, and it will be released in 2017. Haven’t we all suffered enough?