Gabatron Morning Briefing – 4-28-16: Parenting Through Municipal Fines

Thursday is “Take Your Child To Work Day.” Former White Sox player Adam LaRoche tweeted out a reminder. Because of course he did.

The town of Shawano, Wisconsin wants to deal with bullies by hitting their parents with fines for the child’s behavior. Under the ordinance, police would work with the Shawano School District to identify bullies and notify parents, who will then have 90 days to intervene. If they don’t, and the child continues to bully, the parents would be fined $366. If the child bullies again within one year, they will be fined $681. How would you react if you got hit with a fine because your little snowflake was giving people swirlies at school?

Parents in Portland are concerned because a guy in a clown magazine keeps waving at kids at a nearby elementary school. He lives in a homeless RV camp. They want to tell him to get in his mouse and get the hell out of there, but he isn’t doing anything illegal. He’s just waving and looking creepy.

A college student in North Carolina has achieved Internet stardom after she got a little snarky with her graduation photos. Among other things, she took a picture surrounded by all of the bills from her crushing student loan debt.

Donald Trump gave a major foreign policy speech outlining his “America First” policy. That’s basically another way of saying we’re going to “win” at everything when he’s President. Also, apparently he’s borrowing slogans from Charles Lindbergh in the 1940’s.

From the thoughtful, reasoned analysis file: Ann Coulter tweeted Donald Trump’s foreign policy speech was the “GREATEST FOREIGN POLICY SPEECH SINCE WASHINGTON’S FAREWELL ADDRESS.” Seriously, the whole campaign is some sort of gigantic piece of performance art, right?

On top of everything else, Dennis Hastert may be removed from the wrestling hall of fame. Incidentally, the wrestling hall of fame includes George Washington, Theodore Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln and actor Kirk Douglas.

Tourists are flocking to San Clemente, California to check out the giant, rotting carcass of a 30 ton gray whale. The whale likely died of natural causes and was discovered Sunday on the beach. A decision on what to do with the carcass isn’t expected for a day or two. Officials are debating whether to tow it out to sea or cut it up into smaller, bite-sized pieces to dispose of it.

Space geek alert: SpaceX has announced they will send the new version of their Dragon spacecraft on a series of flights to Mars starting in 2018. They’ll be able to send experiments with the spacecraft for paying customers, but the goal is to test landing the spacecraft on Mars. NASA can’t even land something that big on Mars yet, and SpaceX wants to eventually send people to live on Mars. So they are testing out how to land effectively.

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