Gabatron Morning Briefing – 4-25-16: What’s In A Name?

The school board in Austin, Texas is looking into changing the name of a local elementary school, after hundreds of parents said they take offense to the school’s namesake, Confederate Army general Robert E. Lee. The problem is they opened up the naming process to people online. So naturally, they were inundated with suggestions like “Idiocaracy Elementary”, “John Cena Elementary”, Bruce Lee Elementary and of course “Adolf Hitler School for Friendship and Tolerance.”

Donald Trump wasn’t on CNN’s State of the Union… so Donald Trump Jr. was instead. He said the only way Ted Cruz can win the Republican nomination is to bribe the delegates.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump decided to tackle the subject of outsourcing by mocking an Indian accent.

Meet Searcy Hayes, a 21 year old woman from Natchez, Mississippi who has owned the Internet for the past few days. Searcy went on Maury Povich’s show because her fiance accused her of cheating on him. A lie detector test proved she hadn’t, and a DNA test proved her son was really her fiance’s. But that’s the end of the story my friend, it’s only the beginning. Searcy is a basically the female doppelganger of Republican Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz. It’s uncanny. As if that isn’t enough, now that she’s been discovered, an adult website has offered her $10,000 for a sex tape, and she and her fiance have agreed to provide them with one. So there will be a sex tape of a woman who looks just like Ted Cruz floating around on the Internet. The best part? She had no idea who Ted Cruz was, and actually believed he was the President and running for re-election.

The White House is reportedly getting ready to declassify part of the 9/11 report. It deals with the alleged connection Saudi Arabia had to the attackers.

Enjoy the NFL draft in Chicago while you can. Roger Goddell says the draft will move on to another city in 2017. Atlanta and Denver have both expressed interest in hosting. (Compensation for the fact that I only lived in both cities for two years)

It might be for the best the NFL draft is leaving. It would normally cost $3.2 million to rent out Grant Park, but the NFL is only paying $103,000.

Southern Illinois University is adding a major in brewing. Sure it’s caving to the craft brewing craze, but it’s actually a rare degree that will actually teach you skills that you could take directly into a job.

British Astronaut Tim Peake ran the London marathon on a treadmill on the International Space Station on Sunday. He ran 26.2 miles in three hours and 18 minutes. Amazingly, shortly before the end of Peake’s run, a ship unexpectedly docked with the International Space Station, a Kenyan long distance runner boarded the station and still beat Peake.

A man held an 89 year old Dallas woman at knifepoint. She rant out of the house as soon as his back was turned. Asked if she was scared, she said she “didn’t live this long being a wimp.”

Keith Conrad got his first job in radio in Huntsville, Alabama the day after the 2000 Presidential election when he was a freshman in college. He’s produced radio shows in Huntsville, Milwaukee, WI, Atlanta, GA and finally back in his hometown of Chicago. Currently he lives in Chicago’s Edgewater neighborhood steps away from the Red Line. The train goes by so often you don’t even notice it. Keith has been dabbling in the Internet arts for a while now, in various roles both professional and just for fun.

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