Gabatron Morning Briefing – 3-16-16: Indiana Jones And The Search For More Metamucil

Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg are coming back for a 5th Indiana Jones movie. It will be released July 19, 2019. Harrison Ford will be 77 when the movie comes out. No word on a title yet, but I have a few suggestions: “Indiana Jones and the Search For An Affordable Retirement Community”… “Indiana Jones and the Knee Brace of Destiny”… “Raiders of Social Security”…”Indiana Jones and the Kids Who Won’t Get Off His Lawn”… “Indiana Jones and the Matlock Marathon”… “Indiana Jones & the Temple of—What Were We Talking About?”

The police board will name the three finalists for the Chicago Police Superintendent job on Thursday night. They sought applications from around the country, asking applicants to fill out eight essays on issues ranging from reducing violence to how to foster a culture of integrity among officers and end bias-based policing. The swimsuit competition will probably decide everything.

The CTU will ask teachers to walk out for the day on April 1st. It’s not a “strike,” it’s a “one day demonstration.” So that’ll make it a lot better when you’re trying to find a babysitter for your little snowflake.

We’ve told for a while now that we’re moving towards a “gig economy” — where you piece together a decent living with independent work, like contract stuff or Uber driving or whatever comes by. According to one story that is already going away. The future, they say, will see a lot of that work go to automation, as will a lot of “regular” salaried and hourly jobs. Your best bet is still being a skilled professional in an area unlikely to be automated.

New research indicates that there is a massive spike in searches for leprechaun porn around St. Patrick’s Day. In other news, apparently there is leprechaun porn out there somewhere.

Hillary Clinton was caught on a hot mic talking to Chris Matthews about “dangerous” Donald Trump & speculating about why Chris Christie endorsed him. In other news, there’s now an MSNBC producer chopped up in a dumpster somewhere.

Remember when Pete Rose endorsed Donald Trump? Pete Rose’s lawyer says he has no idea where the baseball that was sent to Trump came from, but it wasn’t him. Rose says that while he respects anyone who works hard for our country, he makes it a point not to endorse any politicians.

White Sox DH Adam LaRoche may or may not be retiring. He had a series of nagging injuries last season, and now threw his back out this spring. He’ll decide in the next day or two.

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