Gabatron Morning Briefing 1-27-15: Forever Alone

A woman promised herself that if she was still single at 40, she’d marry herself. And so she did, in a big blowout celebration. It’s an amazing love story, how she was able to sweep herself off of her feet like that. She’s going to look a little ridiculous cramming cake into her own mouth. Cute or pathetic?

Less than 10% of teens are smoking, but health officials believe that they may have trouble lowering it any more than that. Obviously, you know smoking is bad for you, even if you’re a young and dumb teenager. Also, governments all around the country treat smokers like a piggy bank, constantly raising taxes on cigarettes to pay for any new programs because smokers are a small, but still significant group of people who aren’t likely to fight back. That alone would make me quit if I were a smoker. So if you are, why in the world are you still smoking in 2015?

Another case of life imitating The Simpsons: A town in Sweden is picking up and moving to avoid being swallowed by a sink hole. They are actually moving all of the buildings to another location.

The DEA is making use of license-plate reading technology to run a database that tracks millions of cars in real time around the US. A Justice Department spokesperson says the program, which sometimes involves cameras that capture images of drivers, isn’t illegal. That’s good to know. The agency reportedly keeps the data for three months. Violation of privacy or prudent information-gathering.

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft demanded an apology from the league if the Patriots are found to be not guilty of breaking any rules. Where do the Patriots go to get their reputation back?

Remember KFC’s Double Down Chicken Sandwich? Now they’ve released a Double Down Dog, a hot dog wrapped in a piece of chicken. It’s currently available in the Philippines, which is apparently the Casablanca of the War on Obesity.

A man in California is offering up his Tesla Model S on Airbnb. For the low low price of $85 a night, you can sleep in the car of tomorrow. You can’t drive it, but you can sleep in it. You’ll sleep in it while it’s locked in his attached garage, and can also use the kitchen, bathroom, and living room in his condo.

Keith Conrad got his first job in radio in Huntsville, Alabama the day after the 2000 Presidential election when he was a freshman in college. He’s produced radio shows in Huntsville, Milwaukee, WI, Atlanta, GA and finally back in his hometown of Chicago. Currently he lives in Chicago’s Edgewater neighborhood steps away from the Red Line. The train goes by so often you don’t even notice it. Keith has been dabbling in the Internet arts for a while now, in various roles both professional and just for fun.

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